Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
