Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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