Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
