i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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