see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
