Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize