I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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