i just wanna soil my oats bro
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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