The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize