official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
