I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
