So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
