Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
