I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
