Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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