she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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