Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
