i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I still have a little drunk in my system
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
