i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
