After last night, I could never be a politician.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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