The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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