white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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