I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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