right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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