she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
