The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
