so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
