haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
