smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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