this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
