after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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