I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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