How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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