I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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