Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
