I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
