Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
