Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
