I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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