Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
