We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
