Just fell off a train. Bad.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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