Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
