Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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