Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
