No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize