Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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