you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
