I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
