She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
