my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
