ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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