Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
