false alarm. still invincible.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
