its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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