Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize