I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
