Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
