I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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