Screwed.edu
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
