WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
