4 words: hood of his car
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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