I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize