I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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