Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
