Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize