I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
